Concluding the 2014 NFL Draft
- Posted by: Andrew Parsons - 
@ 2014-05-11 09:16:23
We made it.
Mock drafts are awful, but grades are even worse. I’ll skip over that. Instead, I’ll just drop off some random thoughts from this draft weekend.
First, here’s the thank you for giving me a voice within this whack industry for a stupid sport. Without the people, I’m just some idiot with a weird hobby.
Now. The hell are some of these teams doing?
I know I don’t like anyone or anything, but some of these picks were completely awful. I do generic rankings based on pure physical skill sets and football acumen. I get that situation/fit can clearly change some things, and in more than a few instances, fit will override talent level. However, the sheer stupidity of some of these moves was purely amazing. Shout out to the Dolphins for a sizable reach with Ju’Wuan James and having that pick leak several weeks prior to the draft. Daps to the Redskins for taking Trent Murphy inside the Top 50 despite having virtually no projection to the next level. And finally, good work, Buffalo. Give up a Top 15 pick next year in order to move up for Sammy Watkins…When your QB is EJ Manuel. Also, good looks on trading for Bryce Brown when you already can’t figure out how to use CJ Spiller.
If anything, give the Bills credit for trying to follow the golden standard that all fan bases should set:
“I just want to be entertained.”
Entertainment is what I try and bring all of you as an expert. Hope it worked. Here are some of the events from each round that entertained me the most this NFL Draft Weekend.
Round 1: The Selection of Blake Bortles
Too much involvement with Jags Twitter to not be invested with this pick. Bortles certainly isn’t the guy I would have gone with there, and I don’t think he’s the person most Jaguars fans would have went with either. However, the pick was a genuine surprise, and there’s no doubt it’s an exciting moment for a fan base that deserves it.
Round 2: Jets Take Amaro
If you have ever followed me, you know that Michael Vick is by far my favorite player of all time. I also have a lot of love for Geno Smith. Amaro’s someone I got to very early in the process, and it’s always cool to see a guy like that all the way through. Here’s to hoping he doesn’t make me look stupid for having him as my top TE, and that he can aid Michael Vick in his MVP run.
Round 3: Yawn.
This Round was pretty boring, to be honest. I guess Morgan Moses to the Redskins, because I’d been calling for that the entire night. Sully also loves to hate on Moses and the Skins, so it’d be pretty awesome if Moses became really good for Washington.
Round 4: Fun.
The revival of the Logan (LoCam) Thomas hype train was definitely one of my favorite parts of the year. Seeing him go to what is most likely the best fit for his future success was definitely something I can enjoy. Stoner and I received a lot of hatred when we dropped this in January, but listen to it now.
Yes, Logan Thomas has some really bad tape, great job pointing that out you guys. Very observant of you.
— Bæke Brotles (@JayErictronica) February 16, 2014
DAT TO THE CHIEFS. MY CHIEFS FAM ACQUIRES AN ELITE ATHLETE TWEETER AND HONESTLY, A PERFECT REPLACEMENT FOR DEXTER MCCLUSTER. VERY SUCCESSFUL PICK.
http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/1/22/3904092/deanthony-thomas-twitter
The Falcons. First, Devonta Freeman was just a really good pick. He was my top rated back in the class, and he could help in making the games enjoyable again by stealing touches from Harry Douglas.
http://t.co/ZZm6RgdFXZ You just had to keep your balance, man. RT @HDouglas83: @ap575 shut loser
— AndrewParsons:Expert (@ap575) March 21, 2014
Of all professional athletes, yes, I'd want to be you, Harry Douglas. RT @HDouglas83: @ap575 ur still a loser & mad bcuz u can't be me
— AndrewParsons:Expert (@ap575) March 21, 2014
Admit you lost the Falcons a Superbowl. RT @HDouglas83: @ap575 thanks first step is admitting it
— AndrewParsons:Expert (@ap575) March 21, 2014
@HDouglas83 y u got beef wit my mans @ap575? He good peoples fam he just want u to cook and possibly introduce him to some bad bitches
— Pu'Pac Shakur (@PuQuandrick) March 21, 2014
Hageman in the 2nd Round broke the Falcons streak of selecting only choir boys (first player with an arrest selected during the Dimitroff era, IIRC), but to take Shembo (who is a shitty football player) with his past (http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/ct-haugh-prince-shembo-nfl-combine-spt-0224-20140224,0,613247.column) is just so bizarre and hilarious.
Round 5:
It had to happen to someone. This pick also inspired what might be the ultimate football sadness tweet:
You win, Bengals. Please don't replace Andy Dalton with McCarron. #ExtendDaltonNow
— Joe Goodberry (@JoeGoodberry) May 10, 2014
Round 6: Pretty boring.
This was another boring round. However, it was cool to see Halapio selected. One of my favorite watches from ’12, was obviously hindered by injury this year. Said prior to the draft that I expect him to be the best value pick for an OG.
Round 7: Why I Draft Twitter.
Had to be around 6 EST. Started to feel uneasy, as I realized how pathetic it was that I was still watching the draft. However, when Jeff Janis and Trel went back to back and my timeline went crazy…It was all worth it.
All in all, it’s been real. Ya’ll entertained me, I hope I did the same for you. Football might be an awful sport:
I'm telling you, only two ways to live as a football fan. Die inside or learn to embrace sadness.
— AndrewParsons:Expert (@ap575) November 4, 2013
@JayErictronica football is stupid
— CDR James (@artbynatejames) May 10, 2014
And for the most part, the circular arguments, the group think, the slander, etc, is all pretty annoying. But I can’t even lie, the whole draft weekend is pretty damn fun. I don’t know if I’m going go through all that work again, but it's been worth it.
I fuck with Parsons heavy. #SupGirl #BeenToMecca?
— Davis Mattek (@DavisMattek) March 21, 2014
Can't say "yes" to the Mecca bros. Gotta say "yaas".
— Jared Counterman (@JaredCounterman) February 23, 2014
And remember:
— Pu'Page (@nPage8) March 5, 2014
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